Nothing Is Predictable Page 13

  I was still trying to get my head around it myself, the older woman with the trophy companion. While it was a shock for me, damn, it felt good! I remember saying to myself that even if the experience didn’t last, I was happy to have had it, particularly after the heartbreak I’d endured with my failed relationships. Most people only fantasize about what I had, yet here I was, living it. No matter the outcome, I was content. He brought a spark into my life and so far, those days have been the most exciting of my life. There was to be no regret and I was determined to enjoy the moment and the experience, which was almost like a fairy tale.

  After spending three weeks together, we developed a strong attachment and feelings toward each other, however I was cautious with my emotions and I knew to separate lust from love. But hey! I was loving what was happening and decided to go with the flow. He returned to Switzerland and three weeks later, I followed him to spend New Year with his family in the snow.

  Chapter 26

  Snow and schnitzels

  Switzerland 2003

  This would be my first snowy Christmas in the mountains, something I had always wanted to experience. Christmas in the Swiss Alps with a Swiss God! Driving among the snowy alps, I felt as if I was in a cake with icing and cream and Christmas decorations. I have seen Switzerland in autumn but in the winter covered in snow it is astonishingly beautiful.

  Livio and I arrived at the guesthouse and the moment the car stopped, I jumped out of it and twirled around, trying to catch the falling snow without worrying about who was watching me. I was overwhelmed by the countryside, the cottages, the chalets with bay windows, the snowy mountains, the snow weighing down the branches of trees. My lungs were tingling from the fresh crisp air that we seldom have the privilege to breathe in modern cities. I was in heaven.

  His family was waiting for us at the entry, smiling indulgently at my childish twirls in the snow. I could hear them chuckling and talking in German.

  “Angel, my parents are waiting to greet you.” Livio reached out his hand to hold mine and escorted me to his family.

  We approached the door where his father and mother were waiting. His father looked proud to see us together and turned to Livio, instantly approving.

  “How gorgeous is your family, my God!” I said to Livio. His mother opened her arms to greet me lovingly, welcoming me into their home. We walked into the lounge room with its fireplace and Christmas tree. I was overawed by the welcoming environment and the warmth of his family. Was this real? Was I really there with this gorgeous man and his extremely good-looking but humble family? His father sat beside me with a smile of approval, looking at both Livio and me. He didn’t speak English well, however, I could tell from his expression as he spoke with Livio that he was joyous to see the two of us together.

  “Zara, I am very afraid to see you,” his father said to me as he passed me a glass of wine.

  “Afraid to see me, Sir?” I replied with confusion.

  Livio said something in German to his father, and they all giggled at his mistake.

  “Oh, I’m very sorry! I meant to say I looked forward to seeing you!” his father said and laughed in embarrassment.

  “My parents don’t speak English that well, Angel, they only understand a bit. Can you speak slowly to them?” Livio asked.

  “Of course, no problem, they are lovely, Livio, you have a wonderful family, you are truly blessed,” I said to him.

  “Welcome to Switzerland, Miss America,” another gorgeous man called from the door. He was with another lady and they both walked in to greet us.

  “My Lord! Who is that stunning creature?” I asked.

  “That’s my brother, Angel, and his fiancée.”

  “Are you all gorgeous in this family? Jesus, he’s as stunning as you!”

  “Well, I think I am better looking, ya, maybe a bit?” Livio laughed and turned to his brother with a teasing smile.

  After greeting each other, his brother’s fiancée sat beside me. She spoke little English, however, she tried hard to communicate with me and welcome me to the family’s home.

  They had arranged a welcome dinner for me and in the meantime after a few glasses of wine, I went to my room to unpack and settle in. Livio escorted me.

  “So, you like my family, Angel?” Livio asked.

  “‘Like’ is an understatement! They’re amazing! And your mother’s adorable, you look so much like your mother, she’s so beautiful. I mean, your dad is very handsome as well and my God, not to mention your brother!” I was finding it hard to express my thoughts because I was so overwhelmed by the family and their warm welcome.

  Livio held out his hand and pulled me toward him to embrace me. Of course, I melted in his arms and wished for that moment never to end. He kissed me passionately, in a sensual way I had never felt from him before. I felt his pride and warmth toward me for the way I had carried myself in front of his family. “They’re going to love you, Angel, I know they will. Besides, they have to if I love you.”

  “Mmm, you love me? That’s nice to hear,” I said flirtatiously.

  “Nice to hear? You don’t feel the same?” Livio moved slightly away from me, shocked at my response.

  “The time will come when I will be able to say it naturally, without feeling I have to say it just because you’ve said it. Let’s not worry about that now. If you weren’t special to me, my Swiss God, I wouldn’t be here, okay?”

  “Okay, I’ll accept that,” he replied confidently, and then stepped back and gazed seductively into my eyes. “I’ll leave you to settle in and get dressed for dinner. See you downstairs when you’re ready.”

  I looked out of the window, fascinated by my surroundings. I couldn’t believe I was in this place after all my previous experiences. I must be the luckiest woman in the world, I thought. It began to snow heavily, and my heart tingled with happiness.

  When I went downstairs with my gifts for everyone, to that lovely room with the fireplace, the Christmas table was set, gifts surrounded the Christmas tree, several bottles of wine stood on the table, and the family was sitting around the table waiting for me.

  “This is so lovely, thank you for your efforts!” I said as I approached the seat next to Livio’s and sat down. “Where is your dad?” I asked him.

  “He’s in the kitchen cooking the schnitzels.”

  “Your dad is cooking for us? How cute is that!” I said.

  “Yes, he loves to cook,” Livio said, as he poured me a glass of red wine.

  “I’m going in to watch him. I’d love to see how he cooks them.”

  I poured another glass of wine for his father and walked into the kitchen. There he was cooking the schnitzels with so much love and happiness on his face.

  “Welcome, come in please, do you know how to make schnitzels?” he asked.

  “It seems I’m about to learn how by the look of it,” I replied, passing him his glass. He showed me the steps for cooking an authentic schnitzel, made with gourmet ingredients, unlike any way I had seen. I rolled up my sleeves and started to help him. It was a proud moment for us, particularly because I don’t usually cook, but hey! As long as I had a glass of wine in my hand while I was cooking, I was happy.

  “Zara, I need to thank you for looking after Livio in America. He told us what you did for him. We were happy he was safe and with good people. Thank you, I hope we can give you the same care and love that you showed our son. I want you to know you are welcome in our family and I am honored to have you part of our lives.”

  I began to tear up with joy. Could life be more perfect than this?

  “Sir! I’m honored to be here. Your son is a charming young man. You and your wife have done a great job of raising him. Thank you for welcoming me into your home, it means a lot to me.”

  He smiled and nodded in agreement, and then said, “Okay, let’s take the food out. You are going to love these schnitzels!”

  Dinner was amazing. I’d have liked another schnitzel, they were the best I’d ever had,
but I didn’t want to look greedy. We sat by the fireplace sipping on wine, with the Christmas tree lights flashing and the snow falling heavily outside. I sighed and smiled. This was a fairy tale. Here I was, an American–Lebanese in the mountains in a foreign European country, feeling more at home and comfortable than I had ever felt in either of my two countries. I couldn’t stop admiring the beauty and charm of this family.

  Although I knew his mother had taken a liking to me, I could see in her eyes she had some concerns for her son. One snowy day, his mother and I went into town to do some shopping and have lunch. While we were having lunch, I gently held her hand and expressed my view on the situation. “You look worried, and I know why. Don’t worry, I won’t take him away to America, I won’t take him away from his family. I can see you are truly attached to your boys and splitting the family up is the last thing I want to do.”

  You should have seen her light up with happiness and relief.

  I was right, she was worried I might convince him to live in America with me. Now why on earth would I consider that when I had the choice of living in Switzerland’s picturesque, non-polluted snowy country. I didn’t think living in boxed-up homes surrounded by fences in LA’s suburban area was a match.

  The time spent with them were taken up with sightseeing trips to other parts of Switzerland, along with experiencing the local bars and cafés. Livio and his dad took me to an amazing little town where many people from all around the world went to ski. I decided to put on my ski gear and pretend I knew what I was doing. I didn’t.

  Livio taught me the basics and then put me on the beginner’s slope to test my ability. I couldn’t even manage to walk in the skis let alone ski down the slopes. As the ski lift arrived at the top of the hill, I jumped off and found myself gliding backwards down the hill out of control. I could have almost caused an avalanche with my loud screaming as I slid down. My sticks were waving in the air instead of being dug in the snow to guide me.

  Meanwhile, as I was sliding down, out of control, young children who didn’t even reach my knees skied down professionally, laughing at me as they passed. The way they glided confidently on their skis was remarkable and at the same time frustrating. Having developed strong legs from martial arts, my legs were sturdy enough to keep me upright all the way down that hill until I reached the bottom and plummeted into the snow truck. As for Livio and his dad, they had watched me from the top of the hill and had pretty much laughed the whole way as I slid uncontrollably and inelegantly down the hill and ended in that graceless landing. After crashing into the snow truck, I stood up, unclipped the skis from my boots, and stomped across to the bar, giving up on any hope of learning.

  The time inevitably came when I had to return home. It was a sad moment for all of us and they didn’t want me to leave. They had loved the laughter I’d brought into their home and the comfort of knowing Livio was with someone responsible and mature.

  But as I always say, nothing can last forever, and nothing is predictable. We bid each other goodbye and I left for my journey back home.

  USA 2003

  By mid-January 2003, I was back in LA ready to rock ’n roll with work again. Every year without fail I looked forward to returning to work in January. I missed the chaos and the boiler room, as I used to call it. The plan with Livio was for him to come in April to visit for a couple of months. We stayed in touch regularly and I couldn’t wait for April to come around so I could see him again.

  As with most things in life, what the eyes don’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve over, and so I diverted my attention toward business growth and reality. My thoughts of Livio settled down, as I had expected from the beginning. I knew long-distance relationships were difficult to manage. Neither of us at the time were ready to commit to marriage, and I had my business and staff to consider, as well as Mother. As much as I wanted to leave everything and live in Switzerland with him, I had bigger commitments I couldn’t dismiss. As for Livio, he was still young and establishing his life with the family business and his modeling career. I was sad about the reality of our situation, as in many ways, there was nothing more I wanted than to be with him and have snow and schnitzels forever.

  April 2003 came around so quickly and Livio arrived in LA. Again, it was bliss to be with him. A breath of fresh air. He was the perfect reason to come home, an escape from the pressure and responsibilities of work. Except this time, he had developed a pompous attitude that occasionally pushed my buttons. I know I had him up on a pedestal, and I did my best to make his stay comfortable while he was so far away from his family and the European culture, yet he remained displeased and uncomfortable.

  He struggled to assimilate into American culture and in a way, I completely understood his difficulties. Although I was born in the States, I had experienced similar struggles. He didn’t enjoy LA on this trip for some reason, and even though we went to many different social events, and made trips to Vegas and New York, nothing altered his attitude. I defended our culture and tried to make him see the reality of our lives, but he didn’t agree with my arguments and constantly asked me to go back to Switzerland to live with him. He wanted to pursue the idea of the sports bar I had suggested he open when I was there. I thought it would be a great business for him. Ideally, he wanted me to manage it while he looked after the guesthouse but unfortunately, as amazing as that idea sounded, my commitments in LA wouldn’t allow me to pick up and leave so freely. I was torn between the life I was building in LA and the life I wanted in Switzerland. It was bad timing for me to make such a grand commitment and leave to live in another country. Besides, how could I possibly leave my mother and most importantly, I didn’t trust my heart. It was somehow blocked. I couldn’t even tell him I loved him.

  Just one month later, he returned home. By then, I felt relieved of the responsibility of him and the daily struggle of his displeased attitude. We both knew we weren’t going to work out unless I moved to Switzerland.

  I wish I had left everything behind and followed my instincts to live the life I had always dreamt about. It never once crossed my mind that eventually, he would grow up and abandon his lofty, spoilt attitude. Not once did I think about that, but if I had done so, I would have moved the entire Swiss Alps out of the way to live there. I was only thinking about my immediate situation and commitments, and his young age, where I should have thought ahead. I should have applied my philosophy of ‘nothing can last forever’ to him. He wasn’t going to stay young forever, was he! If I had thought about this at the time, we might now be living together in a picturesque European town with a wonderful family. I regretfully and unreservedly say now, I was the immature and naïve one, not Livio.

  He was right.

  Chapter 27

  Bruce Lee

  USA 2003

  For years, between my work and social life, I maintained my martial arts training as a private student with a sifu. I loved the art of kung-fu. I was damn good at it, and obsessed with Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Donnie Yen, and Jet Li, my martial arts idols. I have always been a bit of a tomboy and love the rough and tumble, while I have a feminine side as well. There’s a time and a place for everything.

  I’ve always enjoyed the company and conversations of men discussing business, the stock market, cars, and of course martial arts. Most women around me never have these kinds of interests, being mostly interested in what outfit to buy and how to style their hair or shape their eyebrows, along with shopping, shopping, and more shopping. I love to shop and only buy the best, if it is within my means. It’s never worried me if at times I haven’t been able to afford something or have had to cut back. It meant I had big commitments at the time and they were my priority.

  It was a usual Sunday morning for me, at the park training with Sifu. That day he was particularly tough on me. I was getting slightly lazy and needed to have my ass whipped, I guess. He started my training with twenty squats on each step of the stairs on the way down, followed by a run down the hill, a run backwards up the h
ill, and then twenty low squats on every step going up the stairs.

  Let me tell you, there were fifty steps.

  That’s two thousand squats!

  I couldn’t walk for a week after that.

  As they say, no pain no gain. What I gained was the inability to sit on any chair and the extreme struggle to sit on the toilet for a week.

  Anyway, something much crazier happened during my training session.

  It was time to spar, and whenever I missed a hit, Sifu would whack me across the head to wake me up. That sounds funny but let me tell you, it wasn’t. It aggravated me like you wouldn’t believe, which was exactly his intention. He was teaching me to learn control. Being of Lebanese blood, I had a short fuse and tended to get easily aggravated. We continued to spar, he punched, I blocked and counter-punched, he kicked, I blocked and counter-kicked, and then suddenly, I did a flip-kick so fast and high I hit him in the head, flew up in the air, and landed flat on my back on the gravel.

  I went numb. I couldn’t move or feel anything.

  “Are you okay?” Sifu leapt and knelt beside me to gauge the extent of the damage.

  “I don’t know. I can’t feel anything,” I said, with tears slowly dripping down my face.

  “Don’t talk, just breathe, wiggle your feet for me,” he instructed.

  “I can’t feel anything!” I snapped at him.

  “Focus on your feet, FOCUS! Now wiggle your feet,” he demanded.

  “I’m telling you, for God’s sake, I can’t feel or move anything. Oh God! What have I done?” I was terrified I might have damaged my spine.

  “I’m calling 911.” He moved away and rang emergency. I tried to feel my legs, focused on wiggling my feet. No luck.