Nothing Is Predictable Read online

  “Only distant relatives. I don’t know them very well. My family are all in LA.”

  “And may I ask why a lady as young as you comes here all alone to this country in such uncertain times?”

  “I had no idea there were age restrictions to traveling, Sir. What are you really trying to ask me?” I asked bluntly.

  “Miss, I am not sure if you understand, but we are living in dangerous times. Even though we claim that the war is over, the danger is still all around us. Perhaps in America your family knew this? It seems odd that you would come all the way here on your own and put yourself at risk. Why are you here by yourself? It is not normal for a female your age to travel here alone for no particular reason. So let’s put all games aside. Answer me: why are you here?”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me! Are you asking me if I’m CIA or a spy or something like that?”

  I began to laugh without realizing it would create further doubt in his mind.

  “I am not accusing you of anything, Miss. The soldiers drew my attention to you and it is my duty to question anyone or anything that might pose a threat. Let’s face it, your presence here in Lebanon in the current situation does seem questionable.”

  “Well, you don’t have to worry about my presence, Sir. If you want to know the truth about why I’m here, I’ll tell you. You’ll laugh when you hear it. I recently separated from my husband and needed a change of environment to help me recover emotionally. Besides, I went to school here. I have friends here. I don’t have friends in any other country, so that’s why I’m here.” I had a smirk on my face as I explained this.

  “Who do you know here?” he asked.

  “Actually, do you know Linda from the Comedy Group?” I asked, hoping her famous name might be familiar to him.

  “You know Linda? Yes, I do know her actually,” he replied easily. He immediately picked up the phone and rang her to confirm whether I was telling the truth. The phone conversation was brief and amiable, consisting of a lot of laughter. After all, she was a comedian. He finished speaking with her and passed the phone to me.

  “Hello, Linda? This is a joke! Seriously, did you tell him you know me?”

  She was laughing at this unnecessary interrogation and assured me I had nothing to worry about. Before I hung up, we arranged to meet for dinner.

  “Are you happy now?” I asked him.

  “My apologies, Miss. Linda confirmed your friendship and assured me you do know her well. I guess there is nothing further for me to ask. Once again, I apologize for scaring you, but, it was my duty to question. You see, there are spies lurking around the city and we need to be scrupulously careful. Unfortunately, you fit the description perfectly for someone who would be undercover. I can assure you from here on you will never be stopped or harassed again.”

  He stood up, shook my hand, and escorted me out of the office. I walked out with a victorious smile on my face, rejoicing and relieved.

  The lieutenant notified the soldiers under his command, “This young lady is to be treated with the utmost respect. She is a friend of my friends, and from here on, you don’t even stop her or ask her one question, do you understand?”

  He gave me back my passport and asked one of his men to escort me to my car. “Once again, Miss, I apologize for stopping you, but at least we are friends now. If you have any issues at any other checkpoint, please just mention my name or get them to call this office. I guarantee: you won’t have further problems.”

  I nodded graciously in acknowledgement and walked to my car. That worked out well, I thought. Now I have an influential friend if I get myself in trouble again.

  Linda and I met that evening as planned and we had a laugh over my interrogation. Linda and I knew each other from school in Lebanon. It turned out the lieutenant was Linda’s relative! That was what had made her reference so credible and I must say it saved me from future inevitable interrogations.

  Linda introduced me to many celebrities and comedians while I was in Lebanon and many of them eventually became friends.

  It so happened that that year, the famous singer Warda Al-Jazairia was touring Lebanon. She is originally from Algeria but her music career began when she moved to Egypt.

  Warda was one of the most famous performers in the entire Middle East, as famous as Barbara Streisand in the western world. The orchestra traveling with her happened to be friends with the comedy group Linda was part of.

  Warda was my idol and there was nothing more I desired than to be given the privilege of meeting her. Linda and I attended her concert in Faraya, in summer. It was held in an outdoor auditorium with the capacity to accommodate the twenty thousand spectators who had thronged to see her. Faraya is a beautiful town in the mountains with many restaurants and well-known streets where festivals take place on special occasions. It is one of my favorite towns in Lebanon, especially in winter where many go to ski.

  Before the concert began, we snuck behind the stage into a lane with a locked gate. We were trying to spot members of the orchestra that Linda knew so we could go behind stage and meet her. I was nervous and excited at the possibility of getting just one glimpse of Warda but instead, a security guard came to the gate and ordered us to move away.

  “Sir, Sir! Can you please call one of the orchestra members?” I asked politely.

  “Sorry, ladies, you shouldn’t be here. Please move to the spectators’ area.”

  “Please, tell them Linda from the comedy group is here, they know me well,” Linda announced confidently.

  He realized who Linda was, and kindly agreed to pass on our message while we waited. Shortly after, three of the members of the orchestra came to the gate.

  “Ahhh, Linda how are you, dear?” One of them greeted us. “You have to come and visit us at the hotel. We don’t have time now, we’re going on stage. Please come to the Beach Hotel tomorrow. We would love to catch up with you.”

  “Sure, we will definitely be there,” Linda confirmed.

  “Would Ms Warda happen to be there too?” I asked curiously.

  “Of course, you will meet her, no problem.”

  “Oh my God! Thank you so much!” I was jumping with joy. We waved goodbye and went back to our seats. The concert was amazing. The buzz of twenty thousand people clapping and singing along to her famous songs was an experience I will never forget.

  I couldn’t wait for the following day. We arrived in the lobby and Linda asked for them at reception. A few minutes later, five or six of the orchestra members came down.

  “Ahhh, lovely to see you again, Miss Linda, and who is this lovely young lady?” one of them asked gently, escorting us to meet the others. “This is Zara from America, we’ve been friends since high school. We went to the same school!” Linda proudly introduced me.

  “America, we love America, nice to meet you, young lady!” another exclaimed.

  “I am so happy to meet you all,” I replied nervously.

  As we were getting acquainted, Ms Warda walked out of the lifts accompanied by her bodyguards and I froze from nervousness.

  “Ms Warda, this is Linda and Zara,” one of the orchestra members introduced us, indicating she should join our group.

  She had a pleasant face and an amiable manner, and I was so excited to meet my idol. I had listened to her music since I was a teenager, not to mention belly-danced endlessly to her songs.

  “How lovely to meet you, ladies,” she said, holding out her hand to shake ours. Linda shook her hand but for me, it was not enough.

  “I’m sorry, but I just have to hug you! May I hug you?” I asked nervously but enthusiastically.

  “Haha! Of course you may,” she said with a lighthearted laugh, and opened her arms to embrace me.

  “Ahhh! I am so honored, Madam. I am so lucky to meet you! You’ve been my idol since I was a child,” I said eagerly, leaping across to hug her.

  “Thank you, my dear, come, come and sit with me. I have the reporters coming for interviews, come and sit with me here.
” She took my hand, and Linda and I walked over to the lobby lounge where the reporters were waiting for her. I couldn’t believe she was holding my hand. I sat beside her, watching and listening to her converse with the reporters. She was gracious and magnanimous. Then I spent the afternoon chatting with the group, as if I was part of their tour. They welcomed me so easily. I even had a couple of reporters ask me if I was related to Warda when they saw me floating around close to her. I avoided all their questions and moved away to make sure they realized I was just a fan.

  * * *

  May Ms Warda rest in peace. She was an idol to many around the world and we are all lucky to have lived in an era when we were able to delight in her magnificent music and voice. Like many famous singers around the world, her music will live on forever.

  Chapter 19

  Surprise, surprise!

  Lebanon 1993

  One morning I was coming out of the shower when there was a knock at my door. I opened the door to see Gabriel the concierge standing there with a big smile on his face.

  “Miss, I have a surprise for you.”

  “Oooh! What is it?” I was curious.

  “Look who I found!”

  At his words, my school friend Nina popped her head around the door, screaming with joy. “I can’t believe you’re here!” she cried, giving me a huge hug.

  “Oh my God, Nina!” we were both jumping around in circles with excitement like little children.

  Once we’d calmed down a bit, I asked her, “So tell me, who else is here in Lebanon now from our school crew?”

  “There’s a few of us here, Franky for one,” Nina said.

  “Linda is here too, I’ve been hanging out with her. Wait till she knows you’re here,” I said.

  Most of my fellow students, except for Linda, were international students who had returned to their countries. However, Nina’s parents were from Lebanon. She was living in England and had come home to visit her parents. Franky, who was from Dubai, was on vacation here.

  The four of us went out together every night, catching up on our lives and talking about our achievements and milestones. They were sad to learn about my unpleasant experience with my marriage, but we agreed that having no children had helped me to move on. There was nothing tying me to Tariq. Thank God.

  They took me sightseeing and we partied all over Beirut. We were all in our twenties and for once, I was living the life of a typical twenty-year-old and enjoying my time as a young woman. You would think after months of partying and sightseeing we would have slowed down and eventually lost interest in going out all the time. However, Beirut somehow propels you into the social scene.

  One morning, I was waiting for Nina to pick me up for a day out in the mountains. Her knock at the door came earlier than expected. I came out of the shower with only a towel wrapped around me and opened the door, expecting to see Nina.

  “Dear God, is that how you welcome people when they knock on your door?” he asked, casually leaning against the door frame.

  “What are you doing here?” I was so shocked I could barely respond and struggled to cover my body and look half-decent.

  “I had to see you,” he said.

  “How the hell did you know I was here?” I asked.

  “Lebanon is a small country. It was very easy for me to find you. May I come in?”

  I was scared and did not know what to do or say or how to react.

  “It’s not an appropriate time. My friends are arriving any moment now. Can we meet another time please? I’m really not comfortable with you being here.” It was clear I wanted him to leave.

  “Not an appropriate time? Is there ever going to be an appropriate time? You disappear from LA and so I come here to Beirut to find you, and you want to send me away?” He sounded dejected and annoyed.

  “Um…of course there will be a better time, just not now. My friends are going to be here any minute, please go, please just go.”

  “Here’s the hotel I’m staying at,” he said, handing me a card from the hotel with his room number written on it. “Call me tomorrow. If I don’t hear from you in the next couple of days, I’ll be back in case you can’t reach me.”

  Before he left, he said, “Cover up, for God’s sake, and don’t open the door to anyone looking like that again. This is Beirut, not LA.”

  “I know, sorry, I’ll be in touch, I promise.”

  I shut the door. I don’t know why I was relieved he had left. He was Jamal, the love of my life.

  I should have hugged him and welcomed him in. It was immature of me to treat him like that. I suppose it was because I was having so much fun with my friends and had discovered so much joy in their company and it had diverted me from my past. I didn’t want more headaches or anyone from my past reminding me of my humiliating experience. Although I was truly touched by his presence, I didn’t want him around me. Perhaps at the time I needed to be that twenty-one-year-old carefree young woman without any attachments.

  After two days of contemplation, I decided to call him out of respect for what we once had and for his efforts in finding me. I felt some obligation to him, considering I had never called him back in America as I’d said I would.

  We met at a restaurant. There we were, Jamal and Zara, in a restaurant, out in public, with no concerns about hiding from anyone, free to live and do whatever we desired. Just a few short years back, this had been our dream. Jamal was overwhelmed to see me. This was our chance to mend the past and move on with how life was meant to be. In his mind, it was our destiny to be together no matter what had happened previously.

  “Well, beautiful, here we are, away from everyone,” he said.

  “Strange, isn’t it. Look I’m sorry I didn’t call you back then.”

  “I understand, don’t worry about it, we’re here now. So tell me, how are you? Are you okay? Did Tariq hurt you in any way?”

  “Mentally, not physically. I’m not sure I can get over the betrayal, Jamal. I mean, she was in my bed and wearing my robe. Seriously, who does that?”

  Jamal knew of the adulterous act Tariq had committed. My sister had filled him in.

  “Zara, I don’t want to bring up the past and remind you I warned you about him. Just put it all behind you and look forward to a new beginning, okay? Luckily, you didn’t have children with this man. That would be harder to deal with.”

  “No way, there was no way I was even going to think about kids at such an early stage in our marriage. Thank God for that.”

  “You know, I was going to move across the road from you, just to make sure you were okay,” he said.

  “You’re joking! Really? Tariq would have accused us of an affair if he’d seen you around! I’m glad you didn’t.”

  “I inspected a unit and was so close to signing the lease just to be around you, Zara. You don’t know how many times I drove around your block just to be close to you somehow, but then I came to my senses and realized that moving there would only cause you more trouble.”

  “Jamal, I don’t know what to say, I really don’t, but I hope you don’t have any expectations about us getting back together. I can’t do that now. I’m not in a good space mentally to commit to anything now.”

  He went silent, put his fork down, took a deep disappointed breath, and said, “Again, Zara, you’re running away again. We have a second chance now, we’re free to be together without obstacles! I understand if you need more time, but I want to be there for you during this process, so you don’t suffer on your own.”

  “I don’t want anyone around me, Jamal!” I yelled at him, out of control.

  “Okay, okay, clearly you need time to mend. But do you still love me, Zara?”

  “I don’t know what that is anymore, I don’t know what love is. I can’t open my heart to you or to anyone like I did before, Jamal. My marriage was not meant to happen, I never planned on dating Tariq let alone marrying him. I don’t know what happened and why I ended up making that decision. I didn’t feel in control
of my actions, it just happened, and I’m not going to put myself through that again, please.”

  “Zara, it’s me, Jamal. You’re tearing me apart comparing me to the experience you had with Tariq, it’s me, Zara it’s me, ME!”

  I stared at him, dumbfounded, unable to respond or think or feel anything. I was recovering slowly from my painful experience with Tariq, I was free to decide and do whatever my heart desired. I would have thought falling into his arms and surrendering to him was what I would have done and much to my surprise, I couldn’t, I wouldn’t, and I didn’t.

  “I’m sorry, Jamal, I can’t, I can’t. The way I see it, we have two options. Option A, we can either remain friends forever, or option B, we never see each other again. That’s all I can offer you, Jamal.”

  “Wow! Two options? Thank you, thank you madam for being so generous. Your words are as sharp as a knife, aren’t they! This is obviously all that I mean to you. Fair enough, I’ll take option A if you don’t mind, I would rather have some part of you than nothing at all.”

  “Please don’t take it that way, please, I mean no disrespect, I just can’t, maybe I need more time, I don’t know.”

  “You know what, Zara? I’m not going to beg for your love. I shouldn’t have to. I thought your love for me was still in there somewhere. Somewhere in that cold heart of yours. Obviously, I was wrong. One day you will think back to this moment and realize you made the biggest mistake of your life. We have a second chance that many people can’t even dream of and here you are, giving me option A or option B! Let’s enjoy our dinner and our catchup my option A friend, and leave it at that, okay? You’re obviously not ready to think clearly.” He was barely able to control his rage.

  “Jamal, please don’t be upset, you are a special person to me, I just can’t commit to another relationship now. I can’t.”

  “Zara, please change the subject, I don’t want to discuss this any further. Please just enjoy your dinner, okay?”

  It was an awkward dinner and we hardly spoke after that. Anything we said were just words, with no relevance to us and without substance, their purpose only to fill silent moments. I knew he was offended by what I’d said. I wanted to leave but just couldn’t bring myself to walk away from him as abruptly as I’d done once before.